subwaydouchery:

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Field Trippin’ 

Ohhh… oh dear God, no….. it’s a….. FIELD TRIP! I knew the time of elementary school field trips was approaching but you can never fully prepare.  How can anyone adequately brace themselves for a huddled mass of adolescents filled with hope and bubble gum? Screaming, shoving, singing, biting, blocking stairways, daisy chaining 30 deep, losing all sense of decorum and only wrangled by a short hand full of over worked/under paid teachers. Although most of these children ride the rails individually on their way into school, the group mentality turns them into a beastly mob! Fueled by the unbridled excitement that comes with going to an uptown museum.

To maneuver around them, you have to be quick on your feet and sharp of mind. As a pack, they will sense hesitation and vulnerability like a shark sensing a drop of blood in ocean waters. And before you know it, you’ll be be amongst them! Plodding along hypnotized by their nonsensical chatter, forgetting where, when, and who you are as you slowly make your way to the train. If you have to buy a MetroCard while the horde has surrounded the ticket machine, you can kiss your ass goodbye!

*** It’s the most wonderful time of the year! This one comes from the Douchery Reserve. Keep on Douchin’ ***

subwaydouchery:

SUBWAY SLUMBERY : The Sleep Guru

Sometimes I need a glass of warm milk, three Tylenol PMs, read the dictionary, just to get close to drowsy. And I do that in the comfort of a fluffy bed with occasionally clean sheets. The gentleman pictured above appears to be sleeping better than I’ve slept in the past 10 years and he’s doing it on a staircase next to train tracks. He’s like the Sandman’s less successful brother, Derek. Who only figured out how to make himself sleep and screw everyone else.    

That’s why this gentleman should run a sleep clinic. Bring a bunch of insomniacs down to 34th street station and show them how to spread out like butter and jam on a cement staircase. Then somehow magically sleep better than a gurgling new born baby in a bassinet!

*** Big thanks to @terryurban for the picture. I understand he’s a popular DJ in the NYC area (terryurban.net) His twitter bio states “I DJ for a living.” SO IT’S GOTTA BE TRUE! Keep on Douchin’ & DJin’ ***

SUBWAY DOUCHERY

Because public transportation is always free entertainment…